Sometimes motherhood means sacrifice. Tonight I could/should be at the O2 seeing Adele.
Yesterday an incredibly kind contact of J’s through his work gave us two tickets to go and see Adele on the opening night of her UK tour. I know. Amazing!
After a moment of pure giddy excitement I quickly realised that I was probably going to be saying no to Adele. Pre Belle there was no way that I would have considered turning down an opportunity like this because of a baby.
Isn’t it as simple as getting a Babysitter for the evening, leaving some milk and having a night off?
Yes, for lots of people it is. However for me, at this point, it just isn’t.
Truth is, I haven’t left Belle yet. It is not so much that I can’t but that I don’t really want to. I mean, she is not the kind of baby that goes down at 7pm and reliably sleeps for a few hours and she hasn’t got the hang of feeding from a bottle yet. In fact the few times that we have tried her with a bottle she has blown bubbles into the milk rather than sucking which is about as far from getting that hang of it as she could get. Even so, the real reason why I am not going is because, in nearly seven months, the most separation that I have had from her has been J taking her for a walk in the pram.
Leaving her for an evening to be an hour away at a concert was just too big a jump for me. Knowing that she probably won’t settle with someone new, and having not left her with anyone before, makes the prospect of going out for the evening much less alluring – even if it is Adele.
In a moment of desperation to make something work out of the situation I even called the O2 to ask whether I could take a baby, they said yes and that they even give out baby ear defenders. Then I realised that if I need baby ear defenders for her then she probably shouldn’t be there! Ironically, after researching babies and exposure to noise I have now ordered a set of ear defenders for Belle to wear at church…opps!
Call me crazy (J has, my sister has and I know others will!) but not even FREE Adele tickets have persuaded me to leave Belle because I am just not ready.
Motherhood really is a process of separation and it unfolds at different speeds for different mamas and babas. Belle and I will be ready at some point, but not tonight. Tonight I will rock and cuddle and breastfeed the evening away whilst J sees the show with a colleague.
Am I disappointed? Of course. But I know my place is right here with my little girl.
Sorry Adele, maybe next time.